A love letter to the part of you that feels anxious speaking up at work

When performance anxiety takes over in meetings

Hi there,

Yes, you. I see you.

You’re in your weekly team meeting, and everyone else has something insightful to say. And they are all so dang poised. Maybe your boss is there, and they’re intimidating. Or your boss’s boss.

Maybe you rehearse every line before it comes out of your mouth, and by the time you’re ready to speak, the conversation has already moved on. You might notice your throat is dry. Your heart is racing. And you can feel the heat rising in your face alongside panic.

This is what anxiety at work can feel like. This is what performance anxiety can look like — especially for people who are otherwise thoughtful, capable, and very good at what they do.

Corporate cultures can be cutthroat. And unforgiving. It can feel like everyone in the room is scrutinizing your every move, every word.

But here’s the thing: There are so many other people who feel this way, too. They might just be better at hiding it. Often, the people around you are too busy scrutinizing their own words to pay as much attention to yours as you imagine.

And still, that doesn’t make the feeling go away.

Early in my career, when I stepped into a leadership role, a well-meaning person told me, “Never let them see you sweat.”

I remember thinking: What am I supposed to do with that? Buy better deodorant? Will myself to have a slower heart rate?

And that’s the part people often don’t talk about: This isn’t just in your head.

This is your nervous system doing its job and trying to protect you in a moment it perceives as high-stakes. When your nervous system is activated like this, your words, your clarity, and even your confidence can feel inaccessible.

The answer isn’t just to “be more confident,” or to find the perfect thing to say. It’s to teach your nervous system that you’re safe enough to stay present.

There are many ways to do this. Some are in-the-moment tools that can help your body settle when anxiety spikes. And some, like EMDR therapy, work more deeply, helping to process the experiences and patterns that taught your system to react this way in the first place.

The aim is that over time, speaking up doesn’t feel like something you have to push through, but something that feels more accessible.

I know how hard this can feel, and how much it can change.

You don’t have to keep navigating it alone.

–Melissa